The Threesome

After my success a few weeks back at the auction of the flesh, I was called in again to save some retarded kids or some shit. The auction was going well until the French lady from last time comes in and makes a massive bid for me. I was shocked! But it got crazier. This other lady who looks like the French lady appeared out of nowhere and totally outbid her!

I am then given to her and I find out that she is the younger, hotter, richer, Frencher, nicer-smelling sister of the French lady! She took me back to her place (same place as last time) and I saw the other sister sitting in the kitchen. The young sister said she had heard about what I did last week and wanted to give me a go. But this time would be different, she said. “Tonight we will be having a threesome. That’s right, a trio of French dishes. Trio is French for trio.

“Your beef carbonade was impressive last time, but now you will make boeuf bourguignon. Add about a kilo of well marbled beef (ie (<--French for ‘eg’) rump) that has been cubed and floured with about 100-150 grams of bacon into a large pot. Cook for a few minutes then add in 2 chopped onions and a clove or two of crushed garlic. Cook until the meat is browned. Then add a big slug of red wine (about 2-3 cups) and a cup and a bit of beef stock. Also add a bouquet garni that contains thyme or rosemary or chervil or some such. Reduce this to a simmer, cover and leave it for over an hour and a half. Then add some baby carrots and a tablespoon of tomato paste, return the cover and cook until the carrots are done (another 30-60 mins).



“Next, my little anglo kitten, you will prepare me a bouchee. What you do is cut a large circle of puff pastry that is about 10 cm in diameter. Then cut another 10 cm circle of pastry, but cut a 7 cm circle out of the middle of it, so you are left with a pastry ring. Brush some beaten egg around the area of the large circle where the ring will go then add the ring. Put this in the fridge for a while to set. Then you must put it in an oven preheated to 200 until it is golden brown. Remove this and cut the pastry that is in-between the ring so you have a sort of pie case. Keep the bit of pastry as a lid. For the filling just sauté leek, carrot, celery and half a clove of crushed garlic that has been sliced VERY thinly with some butter until it is soft. Add a little cream and a squeeze of lemon juice. Put this in the bouchee case and put the lid on.

“The threesome will then be complete with a pair of allumettes. Take a sheet of puff pastry and slice it in half. Then divide each half into 4 rectangles. Spread half of them with anchovy butter (made with about 200g of butter, 50g of anchovies and a squeeze of lemon) and top with an anchovy or two. For the other half I will leave it up to you.”

Awesome, I though. The older sister gave me no flexibility. I decided to top the other allumettes with smoked salmon, leek, camembert, toasted pine nuts and a sprinkling of lemon thyme.

“Not bad. Not French though. Silly boy. Cook that in the oven until the pastry is golden brown”



So I made all this shit for her then left. I’m tired. I hope it tasted good though.